As is my tradition, the weekend of Thanksgiving I began putting up Christmas decorations. I have some favorite artificial flower arrangements. The red Amaryllis especially. After carefully extracting the arrangement from the plastic bag, I lifted it high to admire. Gasp. What? Who had nibbled the red berries? I checked the plant’s backside. A big gash in the stalk showed...
Suzi with her two first born. A few weeks ago, a Mallard duck decided to hatch her eggs in a nest she built only about two feet from the edge of our patio. We were about to become duckling grandparents and even announced it on Instagram! Now don’t scoff at our apparently shrinking world. Who isn’t becoming a bit unbalanced...
My son wanted to go trick or treating one last time before he left behind this fun part of childhood. His costume? IRS agent. Dressed in his dad’s suit and tie and carrying a briefcase, he handed out home-made business cards with threats of “treats or an audit!” The neighbors all agreed, “Now THAT really is scary!”
It is utterly baffling to me that my mother, who grew up on a farm, can get unhinged by a rodent. We learned this fact early as children, and it could be used to advantage. One day my little brother rushed into the house. “Look what I found, Mom! A mouse!” Dangling the specimen by its tail, he grinned expectantly....
In Kindergarten when my husband colored his Santa green, his teacher promptly moved him to the remedial reading group. He couldn’t understand it—after all, he was a smart kid. It wasn’t until he turned 15 and took his driver’s license test that he learned he was color blind. Being the entrepreneurial sort as a young man, my husband began a...
Step 1: Find an accomplice in crime. Step 2: Gather tacky garden decor. Goodwill and the Dollar Store are great places to shop. Step 3: Make sure you learn when your unsuspecting friend will not be home. Then sneak on over. Plastic pink flamingos are a must. Try not to worry what the neighbors will think about what you’re doing....
Nothing more embarrassing than showing up at a friend’s Open House Christmas Party on the WRONG day! Imagine our happy anticipation as we knock on their door, dressed in our party finest, food dish in hand. Imagine their surprise as they open the door . . . in their bathrobes! “Oh,” they say and begin to chuckle. “The party is...
In the 1980’s big hair and black velvet blazers were the fashion. One Sunday after church Husband spots Wife across the room in animated conversation. Unobtrusively he approaches from behind and begins massaging velvety shoulders. She suddenly whirls around; he suddenly realizes wrong woman! Anyway, that’s the story my husband told me later, sheepishly adding, “Duped by same hair, same...
So, you want to do something a little crazy for Halloween? One year, Hubby and I dressed our family in Halloween costumes and we went trick or treating . . . A WEEK EARLY! It’s great fun showing up randomly at a friend’s house, see the look of surprise, and then dissolve into belly laughs together. You just may get...
When my mother immigrated in 1955, she picked up English from the radio and taught herself to read from the newspaper. However, as any foreign language speaker knows, bloopers are inevitable. One day as a new bride, mother bravely ventured to JC Penney to buy her husband a belt, in German known as “Guertel.” Figuring the English word might resemble...